“There Should Be a Room for Self-initiated Activity” a Narrative Inquiry on My Teaching Practices

This paper is my endeavour to shorten the gap between the realities in my own teaching practices and those practices presented in books and research reports as effective English teaching. In this paper, through narrative inquiry method of writing, I will refer to my experiences to show my way of knowing as well as my way of writing the specific contexts of my teaching of English. Here and then, I may show my subjectivity upon certain issues in the English teaching-learning process but I do this to enable myself go deeper to my personal values. Nonetheless, for the betterment of my classroom practices specifically and the teaching of English for Islamic studies in Indonesia, in general, my inquiry on my own professional practices and the insights on how I should see and make some changes in my teaching as specified by the AAA perspective discussed in details will become a very good start.


Introduction
As a non-native English Teachers (NNET) involved in the teaching of English as a foreign language for Islamic Studies in Schools in Indonesia, I find myself perplexed with the rapid changing of the pedagogical as well the content knowledge of English teaching. English for Islamic studies is part of the teaching of English for specific purposes in the context of English Curriculum at the Islamic university in Indonesia. The main goals of the curriculum are to upgrade VWXGHQWV ¶ skills in understanding discourses in English on any issues related to Islam and in using English to convey the teaching of Islam and to represent their being Moslem. This paper however will not elaborate on the content of curriculum, rather on the approach, methods, problems and solutions resulted from the writer's reflection on his own teaching practices. According to Vally (1997: Tripp (1998), and Reed-Danahey (1997) have ascertained in some extent that it is necessary for teachers to reflect on their own practices and to adopt narrative inquiry in order to finds solutions to their context-specific problems.

Narrative inquiry
According to Reed-Danahey (1997: 9), the teacher doing the narrative methodology does not present his/her perceptions and feelings in isolation but locate them in the contexts. In this paper, I will refer to my experiences to English. For many years, the most dominant motivation for Indonesian students to learn English was to obtain well-paid job (Bradford, 2007: 113 constraints and those perceived to be constraints due to enforcement of certain system adopted by the institution or the artificial constraints (Lier, 1996: 8). To use my teaching contexts as an example, I have to know whether the prescribed curriculum, the recommended textbook, and the excessive workload are parts of the intrinsic or the artificial constraints. When I am sure that these constraints are artificial then I can appropriately cope with them.
Teachers also need to be aware of the implications of activities in the classrooms in order to avoid misfit between the purposes and the procedures to aFKLHYH WKHP ,Q P\ FDVH VWXGHQWV ¶ DFWLYLWLHV EXLOW DURXQG WKH XQDXWKHQWLF texts that contain chunks of English carefully chosen to help them learn (QJOLVK PD\ FRQWURO VWXGHQWV ¶ FUHDWLYLW\ DQG HYHQWXDOO\ VORZ GRZQ WKH SDFH of their learning. Bernaus and Gardner (2008: 388) assert that class anxiety increases and students motivation intensity decrease when the teacher is perceived as controlling.

Curriculum and syllabus
Curriculum is a journey to particular destination and syllabus is a guide to that destination. Curriculum may be more or less clearly described but syllabus must be sensitive to constraints and sources specific to the institution where learning takes place (Lier, 1996: 21 (Lier, 1996: 20-22). The learning tasks planned in the syllabus shall promote the self-actualization of every learner and that the performance required doing the task is adjustable to local constraints and sources (Lier, 1996: 206). Lier (1996: 208) suggests that textbook is only one strand among PDQ\ RWKHU VWUDQGV LQ WKH FRXUVH 8VLQJ /LHU ¶V FRQFHptions on the curriculum and the syllabus, the opportunity to adjust my classroom activities on the spot is always open since one of the characteristics of a good syllabus is its ability to balance between planned and improvised elements, and between stability and variety (Lier, 1996: 204). Hence, I can also let my students bring their own materials or choose their own preferred learning activities while at the same time direct them to the purposes of their learning. Besides, if we see learning materials as text, the designing of text is always shifting, it involves interactional process, and is being determined by the context (Derewianka, 2003: 141). I shall not worry to provide similar materials, in kind and amount, to every class I teach, since students will also play more roles in the realization of the syllabus. Consequently, I have to vary the assessment in order to address the specificity of each class. In the next paragraphs to follow, , ZLOO GLVFXVV ZK\ DQG KRZ , PD\ DGRSW /LHU ¶V FRQFHSWLRQ RQ DVVHVVment in language learning.

Awareness, autonomy, and authenticity
Awareness, autonomy, and authenticity in language learning must be seen as interconnected, in which each necessitates and influences the present of other. In order to learn a language, one must be in the state of awareness or the condition when s/he is being aware that her or his experience to new learning is connected to her or his existing knowledge (Lier, 1996: 12). To explain this conception of awareness simply, let me use an anecdote. I liked VLQJLQJ D -DSDQHVH VRQJ µNRNRURQRWRPR ¶ but I could not say I was involved in any activities of learning Japanese language. I might learn something else from my singing of that song but I might not learn at all about Japanese language. This situation changed though when I met a friend from Japan and started talking about the song and so I learnt little Japanese from that song.
Autonomy means the present of choices and the acceptance of responsibilities for every language learner to develop their own sense of direction in learning language (Lier, 1996: 19

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authentic materials and authentic tasks. Lier (1996: 128) says authenticity is the result of validation of classroom events and language by students and teacher and the endorsement of the relevance of things said and done, and of the ways in which they are said and done. Authenticity is more about action performed in class and cannot automatically be aroused from authentic materials therefore Lier (1996: 136) questions the uncritical preference upon authentic materials than materials audience-designed for classroom learners.
An authentic action is intrinsically motivated and it is the realization of free choices and the expression of what a person feels and believes (Lier, 1996: 13). Helping students create their own vision of ideal L2 learners can be the first step to foster students intrinsic motivation (Dornyei, 2009: 33). One advantage of teaching English for Islamic studies to Moslem students is offcourse the absence of any disconformities regarding the content of the textbook with what my students believe as Moslem. However, obliging students do all the planned learning tasks in the textbook will diminish the potential of students taking authentic action.
Taking the AAA perspective above into considerations, the best thing that a teacher may do is to encourage and guide learning since a teacher can never cause or force learning (Lier, 1996: 12). Specific to language learning, Lier (1996: 35) advices teachers lay emphasis on facilitating access to language, knowledge, and skill, than to simplify tasks, in order to assist

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the awareness, autonomy, and authenticity perspective will likely assist students learning. Nevertheless, teachers cannot just bring to the classroom all language resources since the language exposed to students is usable when the learner can make sense of it, is receptive to it and makes an effort to process it (Lier, 1996: 45). The role of the teachers in this sense is like

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Development (ZPD). However, teachers should maintain that the help from the teacher as the more competent other does not lead to external control since internal control of the learner is the prerequisite of the AAA perspective of language learning (Lier, 1996: 117). Lier (1996: 5) emphasizes on the quality of interaction in the language learning as to ensure that no forms of interactions lead to superficial communication or even pseudo communication. For Lier, interaction is the most visible manifestation of learning processes at work, in the classroom, although inner speech may well be equally crucial (Lier, 1996: 35). The

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conversation between two people or between a person and his or her inner self, in case of inner speech.
Furthermore, Lier (1996: 54) says conversation as part of social interaction is the basic environment for the processing of language. To depend heavily on the sequences of activities, or the unit of analysis presented in the handbooks, especially when the handbook provides little chances for students to involve in social interaction among them or to have conversations between them means to deny students the basic environment for language learning. I can see now that my frequent involvement in conversations when I joined English course outside schools really compensated the lack of interactions in my schools. This is probably one of the reasons that quite a few students in my classrooms have the confidence to speak in English even though they have sufficient skills to read and write in English. If I had known that students themselves could organize the conversations and they did not have to stick to the planned activities in the textbook, I would have provided more peer conversations in my classrooms.
Besides, conversation needs to be locally assembled rather than to be planned since it has its own dynamic (Lier, 1996: 168).

Assessment and motivation
Assessment correlates in various degrees to student motivation in learning either positively or negatively. The effects of assessment may impinge on more stakeholders, rather than just our students and may impose in students learning longer than what teachers may expect. Lier (1996: 16) provides some guidance for teachers to reduce the unexpected effects of doing assessment. Teacher must prioritize: to their highest potential, if I never assigned similar type and items of test and I involved students in the assessment process instead, from the very beginning. Lier (1996: 119) argues that by letting students involved in the assessment process, students will feel that any feedbacks as the results of the assessment make sense because they belong to the process.
Bureaucratic demands and practices, external controls in the form of tests and grades may motivate students in learning, in the sense that students will work hard to achieve the standards and to feel success when they make it, but according to Lier (1996: WKLV LV MXVW µVXUURJDWH PRWLYDWLRQ ¶ DQG LW will hinder authenticity. This is in accordaQFH WR 0F'RQRXJK ¶V FODLP WKDW learners developing effective motivational thinking maximize their own resources than count on externally imposed structures and strategy (McDonough, 2007: 369). A common problem faced by teachers is the perceived conflict between fulfilling their personal security and satisfying pedagogical needs of students (Pachler, Barnes, & Field, 2009: 44). The four SULRULWLVHV DERYH , WKLQN FDQ EDODQFH ERWK WHDFKHU ¶V DQG VWXGHQWV ¶ QHHG therefore, help teachers solve this problem.

Principles to follow
One of the goals listed in the prescribed curriculum in teaching English for Islamic studies is to develop Moslem speakers and writers who will take advantages of their mastery of English to represent the noble virtues of Islam and the identity of Indonesian Moslem. The pedagogical practices facilitating the achievement of this goal allow students to become themselves through the language they are learning (Ushioda, 2009: 223). This particular goal can also be an example of what Jenkins (2006:174) argues as prioritizing intelligibility than conformity in becoming successful English users because students will become themselves as the representations of Moslem community rather then immerge in new cultural identities.
Furthermore, at the present teachers face a challenge to shift their teaching from system-based and form-based to language use and meaning orientation (Byrnes, 2002: 420 (Mangubhai, 2005: 205).

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suggest that this can be achieved only if students are treated as having their own social and historical dynamics and every student is treated as individual.
Addressing feeling of individual in any classrooms is as important as addressing the cognitive aspects of the individuals (Ellis, 2008: 22). Anxiety in language learning will decrease too when students feel comfortable to discuss about themselves and their feeling (Underwood, 1984: 17). I am aware now that my students have more variety in terms of motivations, resources, strategies, tools, and purposes that influence their learning of English. Below are some principles that I will follow to initiate changes in my teaching practices: 1. To reflect more in order to create a room for self-initiated activity that balance the intrinsic and extrinsic constraints and resources.
2. To place curriculum as a journey and syllabus as a map, not an end in itself, therefore I can deal with the prescribed curriculum and syllabus as describing destinations and directions so that my students and I always have choices regarding the ways and the speed of our learning journey.
3. To use textbook as one among many resources available to learn English and to allow students have their own learning materials to ensure the present of awareness, autonomy, and authenticity in my classrooms.
4. To expose students to variety of language forms and usage, not merely focus on structures, and to play role as a more competent other to let students pick what they need but at the same time place them on their ZPD.

Conclusion
There are offcourse some practical things to elaborate further on how I can actually adopt the AAA perspective of language teaching learning to my classrooms of English for Islamic studies in Indonesia, which education system is characterised by its hierarchical decision making process.
Nonetheless, for the betterment of my classroom practices specifically and the teaching of English for Islamic studies in Indonesia, in general, my inquiry on my own professional practices and the insights on how I should see and make some changes in my teaching as specified by the AAA perspective discussed above, I am sure, will become a very good start.